Indecent Proposals
by SherbetStick
Summary: Why does John want her? There are plenty of others out there and besides she can't give him what he wants. Raz feels guilty for deceiving John after so many years but how can she tell him the truth now? John/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Indecent Proposals**

Okay, now I'm reposting this story because as I read over it I realised a few things didn't add up. I'm going to completely take out the Randy/Chynna pairing from the start this time.

I also want to explain a few things so it doesn't get too confusing when you read the story...I have no idea about anything to do with the wrestling world or the lives of the wrestlers and therefore John's character is not going to have much to do with that side of things...however, his family does come into it a bit but as I said since I don't know much about them, I'm going to make it all up... =)

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Chapter 1 [Repost]

"You have to do it, Raz. If you don't then we don't have a chance in hell of making it to the end of the month."

Razeena stared at her friend and business partner in shock.

"What do you mean? We're doing all right, aren't we? You said so at that planning meeting last month. The Langford account will come through any…"

She trailed off when she saw the look on Chynna's face.

"I had a meeting with the accountant this morning. Our business loan is stretched to the max and the Langford pennies won't even be enough to cover this week's interest, let alone the next months. That's why it's so crucial that you take the Cena account, we literally can't survive without it."

Raz automatically stiffened at the sound of his name. She'd been putting it off for as long as possible but now those hard features came to rest in front of her eyes.

"Why do I have to do it? Why can't you, C?" A look of weariness settled over her features. She knew she'd have to do it.

"Because, darlin', he asked for you. Look, I understand why you don't want to do it and you know that if there was any way that I could prevent it, I would. But for the sake of the business, please babe."

Raz instantly felt guilty. Chynna had put so much into their decorating firm. She didn't deserve to see it go down the drain now because she couldn't bring herself to face her ex-fiancé again.

"Look Raz, I wouldn't have thought of asking you to do this unless it was absolutely necessary. I know it won't be easy to have to see him again after walking out on your marriage but it's important." Chynna said, trying to lighten the mood, "and who knows, you might fall in love with him all over again. From what I can remember, he's not exactly ugly."

Raz's heartbeat suddenly began to race at the thought of being in love with John again._ She didn't know why, it wasn't like she was in love with him now. She'd fallen out of love with him a long time ago._

"It was a long time ago, Chynna. Seven years, in fact. I can hardly even remember what he looks like." She lied through her teeth on that one. His strong, handsome face floated into her mind, as vivid as ever. "He's probably got a crooked nose from having it knocked out of joint so many times and a bald patch the size of a football field."

She knew that wasn't true either. Raz had secretly been following his career, feeling quietly proud of him. Chynna's voice came floating through her thoughts.

"That might even be why he's asking specifically for you. He might wanna refresh your memory a bit." Chynna alleged with a sly smile creeping across her face.

Raz gave Chynna a disapproving look.

"I'm sure there's nothing wrong with John Cena's memory. It's his motives that worry me." _Why would John ask for her? After all these years?  
_  
"Motives? Who gives a fuck about his motives? He's doing us a favour by using your services. I mean, think of it, a big house in Miami. Carte blanche, no questions asked."

"It sounds too good to be true. I want to see the fine print before I commit myself."

"It's too late for that. I've already committed us – I mean, you." Chynna gave Raz a quick side-glance to see how she'd taken that one. "Sorry babe, I had to do it. I couldn't see all that money going to someone else. Ya know what they say about looking a gift horse in the mouth."

"Yes," she said as she got to her feet and reached for her portfolio. "I do know what they say. But you only have to ask the horse to open its mouth to see if you're getting a good deal."

Chynna smiled and said, "Maybe I'd better leave that to you," before she slipped out of the office with a smile on her face.

Gathering her stuff together, Raz again began to wonder at the sensibility of doing this. On her way out, she stopped by Chynna's office.

"If I don't show up for work tomorrow, I'm holding you totally responsible."

"If you don't show up tomorrow, I will assume that Cena has talked you back into his bed."

Raz turned round and walked out. She heard a "Good Luck!" come through Chynna's closed door. She needed more than luck to get through the next hour or so. Much more. She needed a miracle.

XxXxX

The hotel where the wrestlers were staying was one of the best around. Raz walked up to the wide reception desk, her heart thudding in her chest, as she asked for John Cena.

Her knees almost gave way when she heard the deep voice on the other end of the phone line, replying to the receptionist's query. Thankfully, she managed to make it to the elevators. She pressed the up button and waited for a lift.

It was only a short ride to the 3rd floor. _The last room on the left before you turn the corner._ Slowly, she followed the directions she'd been given.

Raz had been standing in front of John's room for almost five minutes when the door opened and John stepped out. Her eyes locked with his, holding her captive.

"Razeena." _Oh God, all he said was my name and here I am ready to crumple into a heap and cry._

Forcing her eyes away from his gaze, she returned his greeting.

"J- John," she said, mentally berating herself for stumbling over his name.

"Come in." John backed into the room and led her to the table over by the wall. Raz had no choice but to follow.

As she went to sit down, he asked her a question, the subject of which made her stiffen.

"How have you been? And your mother?" John immediately noticed her spine stiffen and wondered why it should do so.

"She's dead." Raz felt a tiny slip of satisfaction at John's reaction. He'd jerked upright in his seat.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

She shrugged. "My mother has few friends. It was a very private funeral."

"How long ago?"

"Five years. It was very quick."

"Cancer?"

"No. Complications after a simple surgery." Raz ducked her head so John couldn't see the tears forming in her eyes. Tears brought on by the memory of what had caused her mother to need surgery in the first place.

"It must have been a terrible shock for you." John studied Raz's profile. _What was wrong with her?_

"One moves on," she replied, dispassionately, as she lifted her head again.

"I guess one does."

"Anyway, let's get down to business. Chynna said the property is in Miami. I'll need to-"

"I'll take you there this weekend."

"I can make my own way, thanks." Raz felt the need to prove to him her independence. "I need to go over colour schemes and furniture settings with you and I'll need an idea of the layout."

John slid a folder towards her. "I've got the plans here. All the specifications are there."

"What's the date of completion?"

"October first."

"That's not nearly enough time."

He shrugged a shoulder. "A month. Long enough."

"Most furniture companies need at least six to eight weeks notification, what with fabric availability and everything." What _was he thinking? She couldn't do it in a month._

The look on his face said she would have to because that was all the time he was giving her.

"I'll need a few days to think about this."

He appeared to think about it before saying, "You have till Friday noon. I'll pick you up at your office."

"What exactly is the hurry on this?"

"I'm quitting wrestling and I want to move into my new place as soon as possible."

"WHAT? How can you be quitting wrestling? You're the champ, for God's sake!"

Instantly, she regretted that little outburst. In those few seconds, she knew she had betrayed to him the years of wrestling she had watched, in the hope of keeping some sort of connection to him.

When Raz could finally bring herself to look him in the eye, she saw the spark there. He knew what she'd been thinking.

"Can I go so far as to call you a fan then?" He said with a chuckle.

She blushed and ducked her head. She needed to change the subject.

"The telephone directory is full of interior designers crying out for work. Why me?" Not the most preferable change of subjects but it'd been nagging at her throughout the whole meeting.

"Why not you?"

"Because there are so many more talented designers out there than me, that's why."

"But I want you."

Four simple words, but Raz could sense a double meaning behind them. She needed to end this meeting. Quickly.

As she stood to collect her bag and papers together, the door opened and Jeff Hardy walked in. Stopping in the middle of the room, Jeff looked around.

"Sorry John. I didn't realise you had a visitor…" His voice trailed away as he recognised just who John's visitor was.

"Razeena? My God. It's been ages. What are you doing here?" he asked, as he headed in her direction to give her a hug.

She'd always been comfortable around Jeff. He'd been a better friend to her than any of the other stars. She answered him without any hesitation or reluctance.

"I have an interior design firm with a friend of mine and J-John saw our name in the directory and wants us to decorate his house in Miami."

While Raz hated herself for stumbling over John's name again, she didn't notice the raised eyebrow that Jeff pointed at John.

"John, could I speak to you for a second?"

Jeff took John over to the far corner of the room, while Raz began to gather her stuff again.

"What is she talking about? You told me that the decorators had already started on that place. What's going on?"

"Look, don't worry about it. I called them off so I could get Raz to finish it instead. I know what I'm doing."

"Do you? You hurt her bad last time. Don't do it again." With that, Jeff walked over to Raz, gave her a hug and left.

Raz's voice gently knocked John out of his silent reverie.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you paying off our overdrafts and loans? Surely it's not just because you so badly want me to decorate your home?"

"Let's get into that later. Tell me though, Raz, was choosing your career over motherhood as fulfilling as you anticipated?"

She froze and slowly moved her head to look him in the eyes. She didn't know what it was she was seeing there but she didn't like it.

"Excuse me?" she said in as cold a voice as she could muster, in the hopes of deterring John from his choice of subject. However, it didn't make the slightest bit of difference to him.

"That was the reason you didn't want kids, wasn't it? It would ruin your figure, you said. Wouldn't do to get pregnant, while in the prime of your career, would it? What happened to the modelling then, Raz?"

Raz was truly shocked at the onslaught of his words. It almost seemed like he knew. _But he couldn't possibly, could he? _She decided to ignore his questions and asked one of her own as a feeling of dread started bubbling up inside her.

"What are the conditions for you paying off our bills, besides me designing your home, John?" It was the most confident she'd sounded the whole time she'd been in the room with him.

John fixed his eyes on her face. His piercing blue eyes held hers for what seemed like hours before he finally spoke.

"I want you…to have my baby."

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So that was the repost of the first chapter. I changed a few things around but as the story goes it's mostly the same.

Please don't hate me too much for taking so long to realise that I did still want to finish this story. And review please please please so I know that there are still some people interested...

Thanks!

**SherbetStick**


	2. Chapter 2

**Indecent Proposals**

Here is the chapter 2 repost...

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Chapter 2 [Repost]

"You're out of your fuckin' mind!" Raz stared at him in disbelief. "You can't be serious?"

"Deadly serious."

"But...But why? Why me?"

"Like I said before, you are the one I want."

(A/N: This is totally irrelevant but after I wrote that line it kinda made me think about that song from Grease. LOL.)

"But why now?" Raz asked in desperation. _What was going on here? _"Why now, after all this time?"

John got to his feet and she fought the urge to step backwards, even though he was on the other side of the room.

"I just feel like it's what I want to do right now. I'm tired of wrestling. I want to settle down and start a family now."

They both knew that wasn't the truth. He'd been ready to settle down seven years ago, when he'd asked her to marry him.

"But there are any number of women out there who would jump at the chance," she choked out. "With your money, you could even pay someone to do it, for God's sake."

"I am paying someone to do it," he said evenly.

"Not me, you're not." Raz shook her head. "No fucking way." She turned and strode quickly towards the door. Before she'd even made it halfway there, John grabbed her arm and pulled her up close.

"Think about it, Z." She trembled as his voice vibrated against her ear. No one else called her 'Z'. To hear him saying it now almost undid her. John continued. "You can have it all. You can still have your career - my money will see to that."

Raz tried to wriggle out of his hold but his grip was firm. She met his eyes but had to look away again. They were hard and determined. She felt cornered and helpless.

Choking back a sob, she said, "Don't do this to me, John, please. You can't hate me that much."

He took his time answering her, as if he was carefully choosing his words. "I don't hate you anymore. I don't feel anything where you're concerned. I know what I want and I want you to be the one to give it to me."

"But why?" she asked again. "Is this some sort of sick seven-year revenge plan?"

He shook his head. "No. I just feel like this is what I want to do right now."

_Again, that lie. He'd been ready a long time ago. _His voice broke into her thoughts.

"Haven't you ever thought about having children, Raz?"

There it was again. That edge in his voice that said he knew. _But he couldn't know, _a voice screamed at her.

"Never," she lied. "I've never thought about it."

"Well, I do," he said. "I've been thinking about it since you left me seven years ago."

"Please don't ask me to do this, John," she pleaded, with tears in her eyes. "I'm not the right person. I don't have what it takes."

"You do. You just can't admit it. Deep down inside, you want the same thing I do. I tried to get you to see it before, but I failed. I'm not letting you go without trying again."

Raz couldn't do this. She tried to find a different way of making John see that he couldn't do this.

"This is so cold-blooded, John! How can you even think of bringing such a scheme about? It's inhuman, it's heartless and it's -"

"Nevertheless, it's what I want."

"And you always get what you want, do you?"

"Sometimes. Not always, but this time I'm counting on it."

"Well, you counted wrong, John. I'm not playing your little game. Go find yourself another incubator - this one's not for sale."

Wrenching herself out of his grasp, Raz almost threw herself at the door and ran down to the lift, afraid that he would come after her. Stepping out into the busy streets, she lost herself in the crowd.

John was a stranger to her now. He wasn't the easy-going, fun-loving guy who'd swept her off her feet. Instead, he was a man determined to get his own way, no matter what the price was. It looked to her to be a plan for revenge. Revenge for her leaving him like she did or revenge for what had happened after she'd left him? _He couldn't possibly know. _

The only people who knew about that besides herself were her mother and Chynna. She trusted Chynna completely, so that only left her mother. But as far as Raz knew, John had never spoken to her mother.

XxXxX

"Chynna." Raz was sat in a park clutching her mobile phone to her ear. "I don't know what to do."

Chynna could tell she needed someone right now.

"Where are you?" She paused and waited for Raz's reply. "Alright, give me ten minutes."

Raz put down the phone and stared into the distance until her vision blurred. She didn't even notice when Chynna came up and sat on the swing next to her.

"So I take it your meeting with John didn't go so well, huh?"

"No." Raz couldn't trust herself not to cry. Short answers were best.

"Wanna tell me about it?"

She couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears ran down her face as she retold what happened in the meeting to Chynna. When she'd finished, Raz stood up and turned to Chynna, who was absolutely fuming.

"Bastard! How dare he expect you to do something like that after everything you've been through?"

Hastily, Raz added, "He doesn't know, Chynna. I want it to stay that way."

"But Raz, he'll have to know if he expects you to-"

"No. I'm not doing what he wants."

Chynna decided to leave it at that.

XxXxX

Raz had spent the next couple of days meeting with the accountant and the bank manager to see if there was any way she could undo the financial damage to their business.

Both had said to accept whatever financial help they were being offered or declare bankruptcy. They had obviously spoken to Chynna.

Not long after she'd returned to the office after one such meeting, did Chynna announce John's arrival.

Her stomach fell in alarm. She hadn't heard from John since Tuesday afternoon when she'd thrown his offer back in his face.

"Raz." She looked up to see him standing in the door of her office, his built frame taking up much of the space. Any thoughts she'd had about escaping were lost in the well of feeling that attacked her at seeing him.

"John," she managed. Speaking again, before he could, she said, "I don't think we should do this. Your offer of help is a very generous one but I'm afraid I can't meet the terms."

Lifting her eyes slightly, Raz could see that he was frowning at her.

"So you'd rather lose everything then have a temporary relationship with me?" John mentally kicked himself the minute the words were out of his mouth. He didn't want a temporary relationship with her, he wanted more.

"Temporary?" She didn't understand. _How can you have a temporary relationship when kids were involved?_

"Of course, temporary. You wouldn't want it any other way, would you?" He hated the fact that he had to play along now because of his own stupid mistake.

"I…No, of course not," she said looking away.

"Well then. Let's look at your options. You can come with me now or you can ask me to leave. It's as simple as that."

Raz couldn't speak. Her brain was working overtime. One thought kept overriding another until her head began to pound.

"Well, what's it gonna be, Raz? Bankruptcy isn't a picnic in the park. It's like a scar. It will be with you for the rest of your financial life."

Raz almost choked. She knew all about scars. How clever of him to use that term. Physically her scars had pretty much healed, emotionally however, that was a different thing entirely. She didn't want to accept his offer but she could see herself approaching a bank for a loan in the future. It would be hopeless. No bank would even think of giving her a loan.

Drifting into the past, Raz thought back to when she'd thrown everything into her career in an effort to escape the past. After she left John, modelling was no longer an option for various reasons and she'd wanted to do something else for a while anyway.

So she'd gone to university and got herself a degree in interior design. She'd restored old houses to their former glory. She'd decorated new houses in the wonderful designs that came across her desk. Now all her hard work was going to be for nothing unless she agreed to one small condition.

_Well, not so small, _she reminded herself.

"Raz?" John questioned, waiting for an answer.

She looked up, her decision still half decided.

"Could…could I see the house first?"

"Why?" John asked too quickly.

"I'd just like to see it first, that's all."

John appeared slightly flustered before recovering quickly and saying, "We'll go tomorrow. Be ready at 11." He turned to leave but before he reached the door, he stopped. "Oh and Raz, I'll expect to have your answer by then."

"I no longer make hasty, emotionally-driven decisions, John. I need to see the house first."

"Wise of you," he said, before turning and leaving.

XxXxX

The drive to Tampa was relatively quiet. Raz still hadn't decided whether or not to accept John's offer. She didn't even know if seeing the house first would make a difference to her decision.

John glanced sideways at Raz. She looked deep in concentration. She hadn't accepted his offer yet and he had decided not to push it.

Raz paid attention to the surroundings as John turned into a long drive. She gasped when she saw the magnificent building at the end of the drive.

The house was huge. John opened the front door and she stepped inside ahead of him. Immediately, Raz was overcome by the sheer space around her. The front door opened straight into what appeared to be an open plan lounge.

Raz walked over to the windows taking up one wall of the room and gasped at the view. In the distance she could see the blue ocean but closer she marvelled at the expanse of green lawn in front of her and it looked as though it went on around the side of the house.

She went through one of the doors nearest to her and realised it opened into a kitchen which had already been decorated and furnished. She raised an eyebrow at John.

"What's going on? I thought you needed an interior designer but it looks as though you already have one."

John hesitated before replying. "I did but I told them to stop their work when I saw your ad in the paper."

Raz was confused. "Why didn't you just let them continue to do the whole house? They're obviously pretty good at their job." She looked around at the wooden cabinets and granite worktops, the state-of-the-art built in cooker, the island in the middle.

"After I saw your ad, I did a bit of research and quite by accident found out you were in so much debt. I saw it as an opportunity to put my proposal to you."

Raz didn't say anything, she still could not make up her mind about this so-called proposal of his. She began to move towards the stairs to see what the upstairs looked like.

John stopped her. "Actually, most of the rooms upstairs are already done as well."

"If that's all completed already and so is the kitchen, which rooms actually need to be done?"

John hesitated again before replying. "To be honest, there's one small room upstairs, the lounge space and the dining room. All have been painted and the flooring is done. You just need to furnish them."

"Three rooms? You're paying that much for me to furnish three rooms in this entire house?" Raz was stunned at how much money he was putting into her business for her to just furnish three rooms in his house. But it was short-lived as she realised it wasn't just to furnish those rooms, it was to have his baby as well.

"I know. And I'd pay a lot more if it meant that I could get you here. I knew once you'd see the house, you'd fall in love with it."

He was right; there was no way she could refuse to do even just those three rooms if it gave her the chance to work on such a magnificent property.

John saw the look in her eyes and knew she wouldn't say no. He came closer until he was standing right in front of her.

Raz couldn't speak as she watched his head lower to hers. Part of her told her to step away but an even bigger part overruled it when she felt his lips gently press against hers. She knew the fight was over even if she couldn't possibly give him what he ultimately wanted. He would soon get bored of her but at least she could enjoy a few months with him before that happened.

He put his hands on her waist and pulled her even closer to his body. When she felt his arousal press up against her belly, Raz jumped back. _What am I doing? One kiss and I'm ready to jump into bed with him all over again._

"I…I think we should leave." Straightening her skirt, she moved to the door.

"Raz." She stopped when she heard his voice but she didn't turn around.

"Not now, John. I don't know what that was. I'm not even sure if it should happen again but I really don't feel like discussing it right now." Raz didn't give him a chance to reply before she walked out to the car, leaving John to follow.

She'd made up her mind. She just needed this car journey to think it through properly.

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Ah so not too much has changed in this chapter except for the fact that the house is not completely furnished as it was before.

Keep Reading and Reviewing Pleeeease!...If I know people are still interested it could make me work on the chapters faster to get them up.

Thanks!

**SherbetStick**


	3. Chapter 3

**Indecent Proposals**

This chapter is a bit shorter than the others but I wanted it to end where it does...So Enjoy!

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Chapter 3 [Repost]

As John pulled up outside her apartment, Raz turned to look at him.

"Do you want to come in for coffee?" She didn't really want to invite him in but she didn't want to stay in the close quarters of the car and talk to him either.

Entering the apartment, she put her keys down and went straight through to the kitchen to plug in the coffee maker.

John had walked in and was standing on the other side of the breakfast bar in the middle of the cramped kitchen. Raz wanted to break the silence but what should she say? _I think I still love you after all these years? I made a mistake, possibly the biggest mistake of my life, when I left you?_

"No."

"Did you say something?" His eyes flicked over to her. She hadn't realised she'd spoken out loud.

"No, nothing."

Drifting back into the past, Raz didn't notice when John came around the table to pour coffee into the mugs she had set down.

"Raz?" She looked up, startled by his closeness. Then she took the mug and moved away from him.

The silence was deafening…until John broke it. "Tell me about your mother, Raz."

Raz schooled her features into indifference and stood up straighter. "I don't wish to speak ill of the dead." Drinking thirstily despite the heat of the steaming liquid, she hoped he would change the subject.

John hadn't been prepared for seeing Raz again. He'd thought it would be easy. He'd breeze in and call all the shots. But something wasn't quite right. He'd been too young and inexperienced to see it before.

He'd fallen in love with an idyll. An idyll that had turned out to be a real woman with issues. He could see that now. Hurt shone from her large, hazel eyes. Hurt which he'd contributed to. Not just him, though. He was sure about that.

She'd never let him meet her mother. He wondered now why he'd never insisted on it.

Somehow, Raz had always found an excuse: her mother was away visiting relatives; she had the flu and wasn't seeing anyone; couldn't make it to the wedding because a close friend had died. All of her excuses had been outright lies. When he'd suggested postponing the wedding, she'd refused and he'd gone along with it.

Besides, he'd been busy trying to make it in the WWE and hadn't had time between training and matches to deal with problems that, according to Raz, didn't exist.

Although, he had spoken to Sonia Bonita once on the telephone and it still pained him to recall their conversation. It had well and truly driven the last nail into the coffin that contained his short relationship with Raz.

Now, he could see the mistakes he'd made almost from the time he'd first met Raz.

She'd been out with a group of friends in a nightclub. From the first moment, he'd been able to see that she didn't belong there or rather that she didn't want to be there.

When Jeff, Randy and the other wrestlers had taken it upon themselves to flirt with her friends, John had bought Raz a drink and begun to flirt with her as well.

One drink had led to another and another and another before she'd ended up on the sofa in his hotel room, since he hadn't known where she lived and her friends had either left with other guys or were busy on the dance floor.

In less than three weeks, she'd been in his bed and eight weeks later, she'd had his ring on her finger.

He sometimes felt guilty when he thought about his actions all those years ago. He should've got to know her better. If he had, he wouldn't be sitting opposite her with the pain of seven years dividing them. He'd be sitting with his arm around her shoulder watching their kids run around the back yard.

This time it was Raz's turn to jolt him out of the past.

"How are your parents?" He took a sip of his coffee and Raz saw the small smile of affection lift the corners of his mouth.

"They're fine. Dad's new hobby is golf and Mom's…well Mom's the same as ever."

"What about your brothers and Lisa?"

"All three of them married with kids already." He spoke with a hint of irony in his voice and she flinched slightly, once again wondering if he could possibly know her secret. "Andrew and Janine have twin girls, Kaitlin and Kristin. Chris and Leanne have three kids, Benjamin, Chloe and Carly. Lisa and James have one boy, Samuel and another baby on the way."

Raz smiled at the thought of Lisa. She'd formed a bond with John's sister and as much as she felt awkward in their big, loving family when she was around them, she'd missed being able to keep in contact with her.

John saw the sadness enter her eyes and knew she was thinking about his family. She'd never quite fit in with them, no matter how much they'd welcomed her and it had often been the cause of arguments between them. He decided to steer her away from her thoughts.

"What about you? That's a pretty impressive degree hanging on your wall."

"It came at a high price."

"But it was worth it, right? I mean, you must have left your mark on dozens of homes."

"Shame the bank manager doesn't see it that way."

"Yeah, well…" He sat watching her for a few minutes before speaking again. "You'll probably think it's none of my business, but you haven't got a potentially jealous lover waiting around or anything, have you?"

"You're right. It is none of your business." Raz walked to the sink and emptied her mug. "However, I have decided that it's in my better judgment to accept your offer and no, there is no jealous lover lurking around."

She spoke over her shoulder, while facing the sink and without letting him interrupt, she continued speaking. "Although, I'd hardly call it deciding since I haven't really got any other option to take which will save the business from ruin."

She turned to stare at him using resentment, however forced, as a barrier so that he couldn't see her inner thoughts.

"You can't blame others for your mistakes, Raz. You should've paid more attention to the business side of things. Neither you nor Chynna are particularly business-minded enough to run a firm successfully. Your heart's not in the books. It's in the design end of things."

He was right but she wasn't going to let him enjoy the victory.

"We can't all be successful, John. We don't all end up with tons of money. Someone has to live in the dumps otherwise there wouldn't be any dumps to speak of."

"Why **do** you live here anyway? What about the money from the divorce settlement? That should have been enough to at least get you a decent apartment?"

"It's…well it's expensive to set up an office: rent, computers and so on." He seemed to accept her answer and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"How soon can you be ready to go?"

"Go where?" she asked in alarm.

"You'll need to move in with me because RAW's going to be in Miami for a while so we can stay at the house. I'm going to be pretty busy what with my contract terminating in little over a month so you'll be alone most of the day anyway." He added the last bit when he could see the doubt begin to cloud her eyes.

"What about my apartment? I can't afford to pay rent when I'm not using it."

"You can rent it out or something. You decide. Just be ready tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" she squeaked.

"I'm putting the money into the business account then and I expect you to fulfil your part of the contract."

"You can hardly call it a contract."

"Call it what you want but I'm putting a lot of money into your business and I want some immediate returns on my investment."

"You make me sick." She fired at him. "How can you sit there and discuss this all so...so clinically?"

"To be honest, I don't care what you think. I have a goal in mind and not even you are going to stand in my way."

They sat in silence for some time before John broke the silence.

"Would you like some more coffee?" She shook her head as she watched him help himself to another mug.

Raz turned and began to load the dishwasher. Then she grabbed a cloth from by the sink and proceeded to scrub the worktops until they were shining.

After a few minutes of vigorous cleaning, she stopped and rinsed out the cloth in the sink, aware that John had been watching her every move.

"You would do anything but talk to me right now, wouldn't you? I'm sitting right here for fucks sake!"

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Not even, 'how was it for you that day I left?', 'were you upset?' That would be a good place to start."

Her hands tightened on the edge of the sink until her knuckles showed white, but she didn't say anything.

"Or what about, 'did you know I was pregnant when I left?' That would prove to be a very interesting conversation, don't you think?"

Raz stared at him in absolute horror. His eyes glittered dangerously and his expression showed anger. Anger which had built up over seven years.

Without warning, the moment she had quietly dreaded for the past seven years had finally caught up with her.

* * *

=O She was pregnant?? What?? LOL.

Hope you liked it. And, don't forget...Review before you leave this page....pleeeease!

Thanks!

**SherbetStick**


	4. Chapter 4

**Indecent Proposals**

This is the last of the reposted chapters...

* * *

Chapter Four [Repost]

She couldn't speak. Anguish tied her tongue and sent tremors of panic right down to her toes. Her mind raced with all the possible ways she could get out of this yet nothing seemed right. She felt as if she was about to faint. She hoped for it, in fact.

The one person, who she'd hoped would never find out, knew all about that traumatic time in her life. It seemed as if he'd known about it for some time. The anger she could sense emanating from him seemed as if it had been festering for years.

Then John spoke, almost as if to himself.

"I need to get out of here." Taking a room key out of his pocket, he dropped it on the table. "I have a promo to do after my match tomorrow but be in the hotel room by seven. We'll go out for dinner."

And then he left. So suddenly that it took her some time to realise he'd actually gone. That was it. Not another word.

Leaning against the wall, Raz buried her face in her hands, slipping down until she found the floor. _How was she going to face up to this one? What would he say the next time he decided to bring up the subject? Just how much did he know?_

XxXxX

Raz stayed up most of the night, packing. Sleep was impossible when her body seemed to physically ache with worry and anxiety. When the last bag was packed, she stood up and looked around her tiny apartment. Three suitcases and a few cardboard boxes wasn't much to show for her 28 years, but she had enough internal baggage to sink the Titanic without needing to hit an iceberg. Although, it appeared as though John was determined to be the iceberg in her life anyway.

She watched as the sun rose and collected her thoughts. This was the first day of the rest of her life. No matter what happened after all this, she knew nothing would or could ever be the same.

John had reopened all her wounds and nothing would be able to tie them together again. She almost hated him for the cruel way he was doing all this. Almost, but not quite. She knew she could never hate him completely no matter what he did. She felt too guilty.

She spent some time at the office apparently sorting her stuff yet there was nothing that needed sorting. She was just filling in time before she had to turn up at John's hotel room.

Chynna walked into her office, took one look at her shadowed eyes and whistled.

"The Champ giving you a hard time then?"

"You could say that. From tonight, I'm going to be living with him in the house in Miami." Raz spoke with such resignation, it made Chynna frown.

"Is he forcing you?"

"Oh, I had a choice. Sort of. You know, the lesser of two evils."

Chynna dropped her eyes and spoke quietly.

"I'm sorry, Raz. This is my entire fault. It's not fair that you're being forced to pay the price."

"It's not entirely your fault, C, I do own half of this business as well. I'll get through it, don't worry about me." She took a deep breath. "Besides, John will get bored eventually when I don't conceive."

"Raz, I remember how much he hurt you before. Be careful that it doesn't happen again." Raz said nothing. "Look, maybe you should tell him the truth. The whole truth. He might be more understanding than you think once he knows."

Raz smiled. If only she could be as hopeful as Chynna.

"John won't understand, C. How can he? I mean, he's got his huge family at home who never have too much love to give, his friends who are always around and there for him and on top of that, he's the WWE Champ. His life is, and always will be, perfect."

Chynna studied her friend's face. "Do you still care for him? Or are you just resentful because of the way your mother treated you?"

Raz looked up at her. "I honestly don't know what I feel. I've switched off my feelings for so long, I can't quite find the on switch any more."

Chynna walked over and put her arm around Raz. "It'll come back, babe. You just need to give it some time. Let the dust from the past settle, you know. See how things go. I'm always here for you, you know that."

"You should've been a counsellor, C. You've got all the answers."

"No, I haven't. I just know what the questions are, that's all. And maybe it's time that John knew what the questions were as well."

XxXxX

Raz spent half an hour in the hotel room alone. At first, she'd been grateful for the time it gave her to prepare herself mentally but now she wished he'd already been here when she arrived. Luckily, she hadn't seen anybody she recognised.

The waiting was killing her. When she was left alone with nothing to do, she tended to think. In her current situation, she had no desire to think. At all.

Finally, she heard the doorknob turn. Turning away from the window to face the door, she waited for him to speak first. _Would he bring up the subject of her pregnancy?_

"Oh, you're here already. Sorry I was late."

"It's fine." She saw him look at her luggage and grimaced.

"Is that all of it or have you already unpacked some stuff?"

"Nope, that's it," she said quietly.

"Ok, we'll be going to Miami tomorrow so there's no point in unpacking all of it." He started walking towards the bathroom. "Let me just take a quick shower and then we can go."

John went into the bathroom, leaving Raz alone with her thoughts again. This time, however, her thoughts consisted solely on John in the shower. Instead, she took the opportunity to apply some more mascara and lip gloss. She didn't know where they were going but she had a feeling she would need every ounce of self-confidence she could get.

XxXxX

Almost twenty minutes after they left the hotel, they were being seated in a posh, marina restaurant not far from the hotel. They had a cosy, little table in a quiet corner, by the window and Raz began to wonder if John would be fooled by a fake migraine and take her back to the hotel room. This little table looked far too private and intimate for her liking and she doubted whether she would be able to handle it.

While they were waiting for their drinks and the first course to arrive, Raz became aware of an uneasy silence surrounding them. She could sense there was something John wanted to say and she wished he'd break the silence it and say it. Or not.

Slowly, she lifted her eyes and looked at him only to find that he'd been watching her and quickly, she averted her eyes to look at the sailboat going past.

"You look tired, are you hungry?"

"Not really, no." She continued to stare at the bright lights of the boat as it floated further away.

"Did you sleep well last night?"

"Did you expect me to?" she shot back.

John sighed. "Why do you try to fight me every step of the way?" He waited for her to reply, but when no answer came, he carried on. "I just want to get to know you, Z. The you that you've become over the last seven years and possibly even the you that I never knew back then."

"You don't need to get to know me. Your aim is to get me pregnant, remember? You don't need to know me at all to do that?"

John didn't reply. Her face showed her emotions plainly and he didn't want to make things worse. Raz took a deep breath before she spoke.

"Can we go back to the hotel? I suddenly don't feel hungry at all."

"Sure." He handed her the car keys. "Why don't you go sit in the car and I'll be out in a sec."

She took the keys without a word and left the restaurant.

XxXxX

All the way back to the hotel, Raz refused to speak or look at him. When they got up to the room, she went straight towards the bathroom, stopping when she heard him call her name.

"It won't help things between us if you keep casting me in the role of the big bad wolf."

Without turning around, she answered him. "You put yourself in that role. I'm just the one dancing to your tune."

"Well, surprise surprise, you haven't got any of the steps right so far."

That did it. Raz turned around and glared at him. "What do want me to do? Grovel at your feet in gratitude for this big favour you're doing for me?"

"No, I didn't m-"

"You've got some nerve, John Cena." She started walking towards him as she built up steam. "You think you're so clever, calling all the shots. I bet you feel so powerful knowing you've got me stuck under your thumb. Well, let me tell you something, John, I will never bend to your will, no matter how much you try to manipulate me. You can force me to do anything you like but at the end of the day, you'll have to accept that I didn't come to you willingly. Can you live with that?"

"Yes." Her face blanched.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, I can live with that."

It wasn't the answer she'd been expecting and it'd completely stumped her.

She looked at him with disgust in her eyes and said, "You make me sick," before retreating into the bathroom.

John heard the lock click, meaning she didn't want to continue their conversation and instantly regretted his words. He went over to the bathroom door, sat down on the floor and spoke to her.

"Look, Raz, I know that you are determined to make this seem as horrible as possible but I'm just as determined to break through your defences. You've been hiding for too long and I think it's time you faced life head-on."

John heard the bathroom door open and stood up. Raz looked at him with anger in her eyes.

"Do you really believe that I give a fuck what you think? You, with your perfect family and a silver spoon shoved down your throat since you were born. What the hell would you know about life?"

Tears suddenly blurred her vision and she turned away from his penetrating gaze.

"I know enough to see that you're carrying around far too much baggage for a woman your age." He continued in a gentler tone. "But you won't let anyone close enough to help you."

"Leave me alone, John." She brushed at the tears rolling down her face. He was too close to the truth. "I need some time alone."

Raz felt his hand on her shoulder, but she flinched away from it. She heard him sigh as he turned and left the hotel room. The second the door clicked shut, Raz broke out in tears. _Why did he know her so well? She had no idea what was going through his mind yet he had her completely sussed out._

XxXxX

John sat at the bar and stared at his drink without really seeing it. His thoughts were speeding around his head at lightning speed.

He hadn't realised just how much Raz's feelings would affect him. He hadn't taken into account the impact it would have on her fragile emotions, when he'd engineered things to get his way.

He'd had a goal in mind and he'd set out to achieve it at any cost. He hadn't allowed for her feelings at all. Now he thought about it, he'd never really appreciated the differences between them.

There he was with his big, more-than-financially-stable, and taken-for-granted family and her childhood had been the complete opposite of that. _Why had none of this ever occurred to him before?_

He sat at the bar for half an hour before he went back up to the room with a speech prepared. However, the sight of her curled up in a ball on one side of the bed threw him off guard and the words died in his throat.

He could still see the signs of tears on her face: pink cheeks, puffy eyes and dried tear tracks down her face. John felt like the biggest bastard ever. He'd hurt her and he'd hurt her bad. She was miserable and it was because of him. This was not how he'd wanted her to feel.

Quietly as he could, he undressed and got into bed, switching off the light as he did.

* * *

Not the most brilliant ending to a chapter but it was getting too long and I wanted to be finished with the reposts before I started typing up/editing my ideas for the next chapter.

Warning: Just because I'm working on this story, it doesn't mean that my updates will be regular unfortunately...I rarely get enough time to use the computer, especially not enough to write up an entire chapter...

However, I do still check my emails so I will be doing my best to reply to any reviews and messages I get. On that note...PLEASE REVIEW!! =)

Thanks!

**SherbetStick**


	5. Chapter 5

OK, I know it's been bloody ages! Pretty much years since I updated this story….but anyway, I recently remembered I even had un-finished stories on here….so I thought I'd attempt to do something about it…

Here goes Chapter 5!

~Sherbet Stick

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Raz woke up to find John's arm curled around her waist. She stared at it for a few seconds before realising that the reason she'd been caught by surprise was because his arm looked like it belonged there. There'd been a time when she would've said that it did belong there.

Just as she pulled herself out of the past, John sighed and pulled her closer into the heat of his body, almost as if he'd been able to sense that she was about to get out of bed. She could feel his legs along the back of hers, his muscled torso against her lower back and then his lips on her shoulder. She froze. He was awake.

"Morning, Z," he said, with a smile that she could feel against her neck. He knew she was awake. Of course he knew she was awake. No one tensed like that in their sleep unless they were having a really bad nightmare. Not that that was far off from the truth though. Still, she didn't reply to his greeting.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes." Well, she couldn't totally ignore him.

"Good." She felt him shift behind her and her stomach flipped upside down as she realised that he was hard inside his boxers.

"What time is it?" She tried distracting herself from the thoughts in her head.

"Early still." John pulled her closer and began kissing her neck.

Her breath hitched in her throat when she felt his hand rise upwards. She considered resisting but no sooner had the thought occurred to her than she found herself turning willingly in his arms.

His lips caught hers and all thought of resisting flew out of her head. It had been a long time since she'd been with John, yet when he touched her; it didn't feel like so long ago. She remembered exactly how he could make her feel…

A silence settled between them as they lay on the bed together after.

"See, it was always good between us in bed, if nothing else." When she didn't respond, he leaned over and began nuzzling her neck. "I'd forgotten how sensitive you are."

She moved out of his embrace and sat up, holding the sheet close to her upper half. "No doubt you've probably had plenty of experiences with which to compare."

"Probably not as many as you might think." He watched her reach for her dressing gown and put it on. "What about you? How many lovers have you had?"

She used his own words against him to stop him from guessing the truth and replied, "Not as many as you might think," before going into the bathroom.

XxxXxxX

John had chosen to drive to Miami rather than travel with the other wrestlers as it gave him some more time before he had to explain the situation to everyone else. Jeff was the only one who knew anything.

The drive was a short one and quiet. John dropped Raz off at the house, saying he'd be busy at the arena for most of the day and would be back in the evening.

Raz spent most of the day wandering around the big house, familiarising herself with her surroundings. She was just putting together some ideas for the lounge area when John got home.

Neither spoke for a few minutes, before John broke the silence.

"Sorry for leaving you in the lurch like that. Things were pretty hectic down at the arena because it's the first day and all that. How was your day?"

Raz avoided looking at him and focused on the sketches of the layout she'd been working on.

"It was OK."

She's been concentrating so hard on not looking at him that she didn't notice that he'd walked across the room until he sat down next to her. Still, she didn't face him.

He tilted her face up so she couldn't look anywhere but into his eyes.

"You don't like looking at me, do you?"

She didn't answer.

"I want you to look me in the eyes. I want to see what's going on beneath that cool exterior of yours. I want to see the real Razeena, not the cardboard cut-out you present to the world."

Raz pushed away from his hand and walked towards the stairs, without replying. She'd just about got to the foot of the stairs when he stopped her.

"Don't push me away, Z. I'm trying to help you. Can't you see that?"

She turned to face him, her eyes glaring at him.

"Help me? You don't want to help me. You want to control me?"

"No, I don't. I just want to understand you. Anyone can see how unhappy you are. I want to change that."

"What business is it of yours anyway?" she asked. "Why couldn't you just stay out of my life? Why are you suddenly so interested in my emotional state after seven years?"

"Look, I know I made some errors of judgment in the past and I want to make sure I don't make them again."

Raz swallowed past the lump in her throat.

"I want to gain your trust, to stop you from seeing me as the enemy as more as your friend."

"You have a very weird notion of friendship. Friends don't exploit each other. Neither do they make impossible demands."

John couldn't take much more of this. She was so intent on making him out to be the bad guy.

"Maybe I should remind you at this point, that if I hadn't stepped in, your finances would be in tatters. Your business would be ruined, not to mention your reputation as an interior designer."

Resentment burned through Raz like wildfire. She bit her lip to stop herself from saying anything she might regret. She might resent it, but, John was doing her business a huge favour and she didn't want to say anything that may make him take back the offer.

"I've employed the services of a business manager." John watched Raz bite her bottom lip and knew she was holding in her anger. "She'll do the books and keep an eye on things."

Raz couldn't hold it in any longer.

"How dare you? You've taken over my personal life and now you've literally taken over my business aswell."

"Raz, don't let your emotions cloud the issue." John was getting increasingly frustrated. "Think about it. A business manager would free you and Chynna to focus on the practical side of things."

"You had no right to go over my head like that."

"I had every right. I've invested a lot of money into this and I don't want to see my efforts go to waste. Besides, what about when you get pregnant? You'll want to cut back on your hours and take things easy."

"You've got everything planned out, don't you? What if I don't fall pregnant, huh? What then?"

Anger burned in John's eyes and he reached for her.

"You will get pregnant. I'll make sure of it." With that, he crushed her into the wall of his body, his mouth crashing down on hers.

Raz tried to escape at first, but once his lips touched hers, she was lost. She knew it was an angry kiss, but she didn't care. His touch made her body thrum to life. Hands that were pushing against him, now roamed all over him.

She didn't resist when John pushed her down onto the staircase, his hands already moving under the hem of her t-shirt. His mouth moved down to her neck as his hands began exploring her breasts.

The combination of his mouth and hands made her moan and the sound halted John. Suddenly, he got up and moved away from her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

Without a word, Raz stood up and brushed past him. She needed air and headed for the patio.

She was sat outside for quite a while before she heard John come up behind her. She didn't say anything, letting him think she didn't know he was there.

"There's something I want to discuss with you."

Still, she didn't turn around. "Yes?"

"My parents are celebrating their fortieth anniversary next weekend and I want you to come with me."

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Both. I've already booked the flights. It's important to them and I don't want to miss out."

"Why are you telling me? You've already planned it. What if I don't want to go?"

"I'd like for you to make the effort. My parents would like you to be there."

Raz turned to face him at that. "You've told them about...about us?"

"I've told them what they need to know. When they heard we were...seeing each other again, they insisted you be invited."

"We're not seeing each other. You want to use me as a human incubator. Did you tell them that?"

John sighed. "I don't want to argue with you, Raz. Can't we just discuss it?"

"I don't want to go."

"Please, Z. Lisa would love to see you again."

Raz thought about his younger sister. Lisa was three years younger than her. She'd been eighteen when Raz had last seen her and full of youthful optimism. She was always so bubbly and outgoing, you couldn't help but be drawn to her.

Raz tried to imagine her now, with a toddler and another one on the way.

"I'll think about it."

"Okay."

John knew that was the best he would get out of her. He left her to her thoughts and went back inside.

Razeena was emotionally exhausted. She'd never been able to deal with the intensity of an intimate relationship. Even when they were married, she'd never been good at it. John's expectations had been different from hers.

He'd come from a loving family background. His parents had been together since high school and showered their children with affection. They'd even made an effort to welcome her in to the family, despite being shocked at how quickly she'd joined it.

Raz suspected they'd thought she was pregnant and desperate for the respectability of marriage. It was ironic that just as their attitude towards her improved, the real problems between her and John started.

To be honest, she'd found his family suffocating. In the short time they were married there had been an endless number of family gatherings that they'd had to attend and not a minute to themselves.

Raz hadn't been prepared for such a lifestyle and she'd felt trapped when John had told her he wanted to start a family. They'd argued heatedly and repeatedly over her use of contraceptives.

It was after a particularly bad row that she'd walked out on him. Later that day, she'd seen him in a cafe, in the arms of Lauren, his childhood sweetheart. Knowing he'd try to find her, she'd left town and covered her tracks, filing for divorce within a week.

Her mother had loved it, gloating over the fact that her marriage had failed. Telling her it was what she deserved, blaming her for the dissolution of her own marriage. Raz hadn't seen through her mother's manipulation until it had been too late.

By accident, Raz found out she was pregnant a few months after she'd left John. She'd been so low, she hadn't even noticed her missed periods. Her mother had been furious, not wanting her to go back to John.

She'd gone on and on at her to get rid of it. Telling her not to let the child ruin her life, the way Raz had hers. It was in the car one day, with her mother, that the decision had been made for her.

They were on their way to an appointment with a family planning adviser, when a car ran a red light and rammed into them on her mother's side. Her mother had needed surgery and Raz had lost the baby.

For the next three years, she'd become her mother's slave, unable to grieve the loss of her baby properly and juggling her studies at the same time.

She'd never know how she got through those years, but she had. She'd had a tiny, private burial for her daughter who'd never even had a chance at life and had her name engraved on a headstone, paid for with money from the divorce settlement. _Shanice Elizabeth Cena._

_

* * *

_

I think I'm going to leave it there because I'm shattered, considering it's half 2 in the morning. Tell me what you think... =)

~SherbetStick xx


	6. Chapter 6

For the reviewer 'Ctina' - John isn't always a douche bag LOL. He does want to try and make it work. Raz's mother is a bit of a wankstain though LMAO! ;)

~SherbetStick..x

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Raz was so caught up in her thoughts of the past that she didn't hear John call her name or even come back out onto the patio until he stood in front of her.

"I called your name a few times. Where did you go?"

"Go?" She looked at him blankly.

"In your mind. You had the faraway look in your eyes."

"Did I?"

John took her hand in his. "Tell me, Z. Don't shut me out."

Raz stared down at her hand enveloped in his. She could feel the warmth radiating through her. She thought about telling him the truth, even framed the words in her mind but she couldn't say them.

She still had no idea how he knew about her pregnancy. Neither of them had brought it up again. But she desperately wanted to know how he'd found out. Yet, she couldn't ask him. The subject was too painful.

"I...I was thinking about getting to work on the rooms. Maybe tomorrow I'll go out and see what I can find around here."

John knew she was lying. He watched her eyes flicker away from his and annoyance crept along his veins. Why wouldn't she just trust him enough to let him in?

He let it slide this time. Something about the glimmer in her eyes said she was ready to break out in tears at any moment and he didn't want to upset her.

XxxXxxX

Razeena spent the next day out shopping for furniture. She picked up some catalogues and decided to order everything once she was sure what she wanted.

When John got home, he found her in the empty room upstairs that had yet to be decorated. When he'd first bought the house, he'd intended for it to be a guest room. Now, however, he noticed it would be just the perfect size for a nursery.

Before he could say anything, Raz turned around and jumped when she realised there was someone standing right behind her.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you." John spoke softly.

He saw her wipe away a tear that had managed to escape down her cheek. He wondered if she'd been thinking the same as him: that this room would be perfect as a nursery.

"Hi. I, uh...I was just thinking about ideas for this room. Do you have any preferences?"

She looked down at the brochures in her hands and fiddled with the pages, as if she was looking for something.

John stepped closer to her and lifted her face to meet his. This time his kiss was gentle. He took his time exploring her mouth. When he felt her respond, he took the brochures from her hand, dropped them to the floor and then led her to the bedroom.

Gently, he laid her down on the bed, before pulling off his t-shirt. John locked eyes with Raz and held them as he continued undressing. Then he moved towards the bed and began removing her clothes, all the while showering her with soft kisses.

His mouth made her entire body come to life. She felt things in places she thought she'd never be able to again as John moved inside her.

Later, as he drifted to sleep holding her in his embrace, Razeena's mind couldn't rest. She thought about the future. John wanted a child. He only wanted her as a means to make that happen. What would happen if it didn't? Would she have a place in his life once he found out the truth?

He'd made it perfectly clear to her that he wasn't interested in a long-term commitment. Raz couldn't blame him for feeling like that considering the bitter break-up they'd experienced. She was living a lie but she couldn't help herself. Being in his arms again was somehow helping her to lay the past to rest.

She only hoped he would forgive her when he found out the truth.

Razeena wondered what had happened to Lauren. Had John had a brief affair with her and then moved on or was she still waiting in the wings somewhere?

Raz turned to stare at the wall. Sleep evaded her and she tried, without success, to tear her mind away from the images that tormented her every so often.

Images of her mother, screaming at her, eyes dulled from the medication. Each word that would slip past her mother's tongue would cut through her like shards of glass, delivered with the sole purpose of inflicting as much pain as possible.

As a child, she remembered being confused and frightened by her mother's outbursts. As she'd grown up, she'd learnt to protect herself from the emotions that threatened to rip her apart. She'd retreated into herself and often imagined her life being very different, with a mother who didn't loathe the very air she breathed.

Another hour of fighting the nightmares in her mind and Raz gave up even trying to sleep. She slipped out of bed, pulled on her bathrobe and tiptoed out of the room.

John found her in the empty bedroom in the early hours of the morning, standing by the window. The soft light fell on her expressionless face. She was completely still and he wondered for a moment if she was sleep-walking.

"Zee?" He touched her shoulder gently and felt her flinch. He sighed and dropped his hand. "Can't you sleep?"

Razeena turned to look at him, her eyes blank as if she wasn't really seeing him. He could see the sheen of tears forming and his stomach gave a painful jolt. Silently, he held out his arms to her and she stepped into them.

He didn't move or say anything. He just held her as she cried and cried. She buried herself in his embrace and held him as if she never wanted to let go. John looked out of the window and watched as the sun rose slowly and the darkness faded away.

XxxXxxX

The next week went by far too quickly for Razeena. She spent most of her time ordering furniture and arranging deliveries. She had yet to order anything for the small bedroom upstairs. It seemed silly to furnish it for a child she was never going to have, yet, the thought of furnishing it for someone else's child was worse.

Friday morning came and she still hadn't made up her mind about visiting John's parents this weekend. His whole family would be there and wanting to know what had happened and how they'd gotten back together again. She watched as John got dressed.

"I've arranged for the business manager to meet us for lunch today. Why don't you meet me at the arena at twelve and we'll go from there?"

"Sure." Raz shrugged as she got out of bed and slipped on her bathrobe.

"What about this weekend?" John asked her as pulled on his sneakers. "Are you planning to come with me?"

She thought, again, about all the questions she would have to face. She'd have to put on a brave face the entire weekend. She didn't know if she could handle it.

John must have sensed her indecision and said, encouragingly, "I'll be there with you the whole time. I'll field any tricky questions. Leave it to me."

Raz felt torn in the middle. She didn't want to be overwhelmed by the Cena family again, yet, neither did she want to spend the weekend away from John.

She was getting used to having him around. Too used to it.

"I'll come."

John smiled and dropped a kiss on her head. "Great. I'll see you later."

XxxXxxX

When John drove them to the cafe, later that day, to meet with the business manager, the last person Raz expected to see was Lauren Bates.

She couldn't believe the nerve of the woman. Of John. How could he ambush her like this?

As they reached the table, Lauren stood up and lifted her cheek for a kiss from John. Then she turned towards Razeena and the smile didn't quite meet her eyes as she held out her hand.

"Hello, Razeena. It's been a long time."

"Yes," was all Raz could manage.

"Where's the other partner?" Lauren asked about Chynna.

"She couldn't make it."

They sat down and immediately, Lauren turned to John and began discussing ideas about Razeena's business with him. Raz could see John kept trying to involve her but she resisted all of his efforts.

After lunch, they walked to their respective cars, Lauren telling John she'd see him this weekend.

John got into the car after Raz and sighed.

"I see how it's going to be this weekend." He threw her a cold look. "Tantrums and the cold shoulder routine."

"I'm not coming."

"Yes, you are, damn it!" John thrust the car into gear and pulled out of the parking bay. "For once in your life, would you just do as I ask? I don't want my parents' celebration to be spoilt by your petty jealousy."

"I'm not jealous!"

"You've always had it in for Lauren. She's practically family, for God's sake!"

"No doubt she'd like to be," Raz muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

John sighed and took the turn-off towards the house.

"Promise me, Raz, that you'll behave this weekend. I don't want you ruining this for my parents. It means a lot to them."

She didn't answer as John pulled up to the house. He stopped her as she made to get out of the car. "Promise me, Raz."

"Fine."

XxxXxxX

They almost missed their flight that evening. By the time, they reached the airport through peak-hour traffic, they just about had time to check in and board the plane before the air hostess closed the door.

When they landed, John's brother, Andrew, was there to meet them. The atmosphere was uneasy at first as if Andrew wasn't quite sure how to greet her. Raz made the decision for him by reaching up to kiss him on the cheek and then, giving him a smile.

"Hello, Andy."

"Raz. You, uh...you look marvellous, doesn't she, bro?"

The awkward moment had passed and the journey to their parents' house was a pleasant one. Andrew talked about his twin girls, Kaitlin and Kristin. John told him about the house and told him he should bring his family down to visit.

There was a warmth about the exchange that secretly impressed Raz. Growing up with a dysfunctional mother had left her severely under-loved. She'd never realised the depth of affection that could exist between individual family members.

Raz wasn't sure what kind of welcome to expect from John's mother, but when the door opened, she was next in line for an enveloping hug after John.

"Hello, Mrs. Cena."

"Oh, Razeena, my dear girl, what's all this nonsense about Mrs. Cena? You call me Jan, dear. Oh, here's Anthony, now." She turned towards John's father. "Anthony, look who's come with John after all."

Raz was crushed into another hug that threatened to squeeze the air out of her, but made her smile nonetheless.

"Mr. Ce-...Anthony," she greeted John's father shyly.

Andrew's wife, Janine, introduced herself, along with her five-year-old twins, who were consequently swept up in a hug by their adoring uncle. Raz felt the breath catch in her throat. Listening to their delighted giggles, she felt a sensation much like pain in the pit of her stomach.

After dinner, the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the rest of the Cena family. Since the celebrations weren't due to start until tomorrow, Raz wondered if they'd come simply to inspect her.

Andrew's twin, Chris, wasn't quite as welcoming as his brother but he certainly made an effort to be polite, introducing Raz to his wife, Leanne. Their three young children were at home with the sitter but Raz would get a chance to meet them tomorrow, she was told.

Lisa arrived and squealed with delight when she saw Raz sitting there. She threw her arms around Raz's neck as best she could, considering she was almost eight-and-a-half months pregnant. "You came! I'm so glad!"

Raz was then introduced to James, Lisa's husband, a quiet, shy man who seemed a bit overwhelmed by all the noise. She wondered if she had at last found an ally.

Razeena made an effort to talk to him over coffee. The rest of the Cena's were arguing rather loudly about some current affair or the other.

James caught her rolling her eyes. "Takes some getting used to, doesn't it?"

Raz smiled. "Yes, I suppose. Do you come from a big family?"

He shook his head. "Only child. You?"

"The same."

"You know, Lisa speaks very highly of you."

"She does? I'm flattered. Tell me about your son. John tells me he's two. Is that the difficult age everyone makes out?"

It was obvious that Raz had chosen the right topic to bring James out of his shell. She listened as he told her anecdotes about his young son. At one point, she caught the attention of almost everyone in the room, especially her ex-husband, with her laughter.

Her genuine amusement faded as she realised. John came over and casually perched himself on her chair, draping his arm around her shoulders.

"So, how are things, James? Busy in court?" John addressed his brother-in-law.

"You're a lawyer?" Raz asked and James nodded. "What field do you practice in?"

"Family law. Divorce, mostly."

Raz became uncomfortable and responded, with a small smile, "Interesting work."

The rest of the evening passed in the same way most Cena family evenings passed: noisily. Eventually, things began to quieten down as everyone who wasn't staying at the house made a move to leave. Raz stood awkwardly to one side as goodbyes were said at the door, since she didn't know what the sleeping arrangements were.

Soon, it was just John and Razeena left alone in the lounge. Raz began clearing up glasses and taking them through to the kitchen. John followed. He stopped her as she made to load the dishwasher.

"Leave them. We'll do it in the morning."

He stepped closer to her and moved his head down to meet her lips. He kissed her softly and then pulled back.

"My mother has separated us. You're in the rose room and I'm in the study. I didn't enlighten her about our...arrangement."

"I'm sure she'd be very shocked to hear of it."

John sighed and stepped away from her. "No doubt."

Raz was unsure whether their conversation was over, nevertheless, she made a move to go upstairs anyway.

"Well, goodnight then."

"Goodnight, Zee."

* * *

I know that isn't the most intriguing ending to a chapter but I promise it is going to get better. I just don't want the chapters to be too long and it's getting kinda late so I figured I should just end it there before it drags on and on and on...

Review please! I wanna know people are still interested in this story. =)

~SherbetStick...xx


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